Lyndon and Hamish - political webloggers

Tuesday, August 02, 2005

A Fighting Talk initiative...

With the election looming, we at Fighting Talk feel it incumbent upon us to offer election coverage to rival Keith Ng's. Thus, today we launch the first in a series of "12 reasons not to vote for...". United Future is the lucky first.

12 Reasons Not to Vote for United Future

1. Their success in the last election can be traced back to an elongated soft-bodied invertebrate animal. No, that's not Peter Dunne.

2. They believe in "common sense," not realising that the New Zealand electorate is actually made up of raving loonies.

3. They have described themselves as "Centre-Left". Until they can get that one right, they shouldn't be allowed in Parliament.

4. "It depends on the numbers game, I wouldn't rule out a formal coalition but it might be after a period," Dunne told NZPA in response to a question about a potential coalition with National, clearly indicating that he finds Helen Clark difficult to work with at a certain stage of her menstrual cycle.

5. They believe in "family values". If Peter Dunne was Prime Minister, we would all be forced to breed. Is that the kind of New Zealand you want?

6. They say they'll work with whichever party gets the most votes, but they also claim to have a bottom line with respect to supporting the Families Comission. Not that this is likely to cause any problems, but surely it is somehow risible.

7. They're working with Outdoor Recreation. A foolish move. Clearly, New Zealanders prefer indoor inertia.

8. They're moral conservatives and free marketeers. Gross. Unless, of course, you're into that that shit. In which case you should probably side with ACT and waste your vote properly.

9. Wellington Central candidate Fiona McKenzie isn't updating her blog "on a regular basis" like she said she would. Broken promises!

10. They don't have the temerity to stand behind their Power Point presentations.

11. Ohariu-Belmont is a hole.

12. They have a woman as their eighth highest-ranked MP. As a National voter, that kind of politically-correct favouritism makes you uncomfortable.