Hamish McKenzie - here, London, Ontario

Friday, February 10, 2006

Here's some distraction, brought to you without links, without scruples, and totally without underpants.

No, I am wearing underpants. It's minus 5 degrees with snow on the ground and icicles on the roof. I wouldn't dare subject my nether-babies to that. That would be child abuse. Abuse, that is, of very small children. Barely detectable children.

But, before you continue reading, how about giving me a job? Preferably in Hong Kong, 'cos that's where I'm going next. Granted, I am not a real journalist, but I can dance for money. I look stupid doing it, but that's the entertaining part. I'm sure my dancing will be much sought after in Hong Kong, but I don't want to risk turning up there sans employment. So far, looking at my bank account, I have enough money to survive for about three days in the Special Administrative Region. And really, to be honest with you, I owe that money back to the Canadian government.

Remind me to edit out this shit later.

Some topical comments on major happenings from the past week.

The Mohammed cartoons

The protesters were right to burn down the Danish embassies in Syria and Lebanon. It's about time someone alerted us to the fact that countries need to start taking responsibility for their offensive cartoonists. For too long, cartoonists have been allowed safe haven in countries not willing to accept that they helped cultivate some of the world's most reprehensible doodlers and sketch artists. (I'm just waiting for the day someone sets fire to the Beehive in protest of Garrick Tremain.)

I too am outraged at the Danish cartoonist's rough impression of the prophet. Mainly because it wasn't in the least bit funny. And I too would have rioted, if it weren't for the fact I would have looked a little odd rampaging alone down the main street in London, Ontario with a large placard reading:

Slow painful death -- preferably by asphyxiation or stab wound to the stomach -- to the offending but as yet unidentified Danish cartoonist who responded to a right-wing Dutch newspaper's call for depictions of Mohammed by drawing a dude with a turban-bomb!

Mind you, maybe the protesters did over-react after all. I mean, a poor sense of humour shouldn't necessarily cost lives, as happened in the Afghan riots. Perhaps the protesters would have been better drawing their own cartoons to illustrate their point.

Bad pun intended. In fact, I constructed that whole paragraph around it.

The Winter Olympics

They're starting in Italy this week.

You think I'm joking, don't you?

No, seriously, they are. Canadians actually care about them. I saw it on telly.

Amazing survival at sea story

But really, would he have made the news if he wasn't Norm Hewitt's brother?

I just hope no-one sees fit to make it into a movie. I've seen Open Water.

The Whig's not-at-all-petty-and-immature squabbles with various non-love interests and friends

One of the most captivating sagas in the New Zealand blogosphere -- nay, make that the whole Internet -- this financial year. Love, loss, ecstacy, rejection, heartache, humiliation and ewwwww-you-are! get-you-backs. Brilliant stuff. But, my word, isn't that handsome young right-winger Blair Mulholland successful with the ladies? I'm sure he, like, totally didn't need that maybe-good-for-nothing Annika person and he's not going to let nuthin' get in the way of him getting on with his life. You go girlfriend! I mean, boyfriend! I mean, ah, um, uhhhh. Well, actually, no -- just go.