Max Johns - Lazy writer, Ashburton

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Ten things I wish I was allowed to say in print

1. Michael Cullen is a self-satisfied git. Ministers of Finance should not be made out of guys that used to get beaten up for their lunch money.
2. The Listener is rapidly chasing the Sunday Star-Times down Quality Hill and it won't stop until Dean Barker is on the cover every second week with his arm around some dumb blonde and extensive coverage is given to the latest dieting techniques.
3. I'm a New Zealander, but I never saw the last two Lord of the Rings films because I just didn't care. Middle Earth shouldn't look like Matamata. And while I'm at it, Taranaki doesn't look like Japan, either.
4. That Maori TV station sucks most of the time.
5. The US legal system is such a mess that they might as well just free Michael Jackson now. Besides, it'd be fun to see what he does next.
6. If Ozzy Osborne was Dave Dobbyn, it'd be a "charter program" and Helen Clark would pretend she watched it.
7. The foreshore is just a bunch of wet sand.
8. Matt McCarten is the political equivalent of a kamikaze pilot with experience. He's the worst possible strategist a new party could hope for, and any party that employs him shouldn't expect to survive two elections. And, yes, that includes byelections.
9. It's bad enough that most people are inescapably and cripplingly stupid, but when they all get the chance to have their say in how things happen in my world it's just plain unfair on me. We'd be better off if we didn't let every last idiot vote, and you know it.
10. Petrol would cost less if the western world got its act together and took over one of them oil-producing nations for once and for all.