Max Johns - aimless baiter, Blenheim

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Taking things too far

Someone asked me if I thought I was taking this (here for part two) too far. At first I thought maybe they had a point, until I remembered that it all started with someone telling me that they had US$28,000,000 to give me. I'm way off the pace.

Date: Thu, 11 Nov 2004 02:09:10 -0800 (PST)
From: david kwame
Subject: From David.
To: Max Johns

Dear Max.

Do i send you the application letter?

Await your resposne.


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Date: Fri, 12 Nov 2004 09:03:19 +1300 (NZDT)
From: Max Johns
Subject: Re: From David.
To: david kwame

My dear David,

Please do send the letter, with all haste. I will hope to receive it most urgently.

I also have a weekend's fishing to look forward to. Truly these are happy times in this the summer of the globe's south.

Yours as always and ever,


Date: Fri, 12 Nov 2004 00:23:09 -0800 (PST)
From: david kwame
Subject: Application Letter.
To: Max Johns

Dear Max.

Find below the specimen application Letter which you are going to transcribe and send to the bank immedaitely by email. As soon as you contact the bank endeavor to give me feed back.

Await your response .ASAP.

Best Regards.




37 High Street, Accra,

Ghana, West Africa

+ 233 - 277514420, 21771983-4

Fax : + 233 - 27515005

EMAIL: info@ecowasbank.com



Address:………………………… …………………………



Ref: A/c D14-A55-096/utb/t of MR STEVEN WITMAN JOHNS

This is to inform you that MR STEVEN WITMAN JOHNS. is my relative, who died in the plane crash, along with some of the passengers and crew on board.

On checking the various records of my relative, we found that he maintained an account with your bank with the above a/c D14-A55-096/utb/t . Some of the deceased's records suggest that there was a credit balance of above USD28, 500,000 (Twenty eight million five hundred United States Dollars) in the account. As next of kin, I would now like to submit my application to your esteemed bank for release of my relative, MR STEVEN WITMAN JOHNS .funds in your bank, in the above said a/c #D14-A55-096/utb/t , and also in other accounts, if any.

Please let me know all the information I am required to provide to back up my claim. You may note that these funds are needed to pay off MR STEVEN WITMAN JOHN'S liabilities, and also to complete some of unfinished urgent projects started by MR STEVEN WITMAN JOHNS . Therefore, I would request you to please process my claim and release the funds as early as possible.

Thanks for your co-operation.

Yours faithfully

AUTHORISED SIGNATORY ................................................

Note The simple information you need about the deceased are:

1. Age: 51 as of the time of death

. 2. Height: 5.10 3. Spouse: none

4. His wife died ten years ago of cancer of the breast.

5. His address was never stated to the bank because he opened a secret domiciliary account, which allows this. This is mostly the important thing, which I can remember at the moment but if I miss out any, I will inform you when I find out

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Date: Wed, 17 Nov 2004 15:08:53 +1300 (NZDT)
From: Max Johns
Subject: Re: Application Letter.
To: david kwame

Mr. Kwame,

An incredible occurance has occured!! And it's incredible!! I have not replied to you for some days, but only some and not many, because of the thing which I must explain to you.

I had a glimmer of recognition when I first read the name of the deceased, Mr. Steven Witman Johns. At first I considered it to be simply due to the fact the I and he shared a last name. But it played on my mind (though not literally) through a day and a night, and I took it upon myself (in a metaphorical sense, of course), to look into this Steven Witman Johns matter.

I asked my mother, whose memory of the family is long and usually accurate - odd, since she can never remember what happened yesterday, or how she likes to take her tea - if she knew of any Steven Witman Johns fitting the description below. She told me that she did!! My father - may the gods rest his souls and treat him goodly - had one second cousin born in 1945.

He was a strong hunter, a sportsman, one who dabbled in fine wines and politics, who never stood down from a fight, could cook a fair game pie, and was known all around his district. He went by the name "Wittie". Everyone knew him as Wittie, and his real name was soon forgotten. Even at his wedding, in his vows, he called himself Wittie. It was the way his large-breasted, lucky bride wanted it to be. One night, early in the 1980s, before even the new wave, Wittie was celebrating a good day's hunting with liquor. A fight broke out amongst other men, and Wittie tried to solve it. The next details are blurry, but it is believed that both the other men swore to find and kill Wittie once he had interfered with their business. Wittie took this to heart, and disappeared.

His wife and family wept for three years, and accused the men of murder. It was in the newspapers that he was probably dead. But after those three years, his wife, too, and his children, also disappeared. It was assumed thereafter than they had joined him somewhere far away.

Wittie, as a name, was short for Witman. That he had lived as Wittie for so long had meant that people had forgotten that he was also Steven! I believe that you have helped solve the mystery of Wittie's disappearance! The secrecy of his account makes sense to us, as he was in hiding, and he was certainly a fine enough man to earn such riches. I have contacted police here, and they have ended their now decades old murder investigation. This has made us all very happy to have known that he lived, but also very sad that he is, again, dead. The news of his wife is also tragic, but thank-you from many Johnses for having informed us. Do you know where the bodies are buried? Our family may visit the graves.

Yours, and yours again,

Max Johns.