Lyndon Hood - authoritarian, Lower Hutt

Sunday, May 01, 2005


Patient readers will have deduced that Matt doesn't live here any more. Looks like that his abdication was taken as a signal to attack.

It's faintly possible he'll be back for revenge - like that bit in the horror movie five minutes before the end when everyone thinks the creature is dead. So I'll keep my spade sharp in the meantime.

There rest of us are still here. However, Hamish is off hobbing the great nobs of the world and as far as I can tell Sarah is a figment of Patrick's imagination. So for now I'm answering the mail and I've got a couple of fuck-you-too cards to hand out.

It was so cute watching the people at Sir Humphrey's trying to work out what the deal is with Fighting Talk. It's like trying to talk modern history with someone who wasn't alive in the Eighties.

Don't patronise me about how to run a blog until you're out of short pants.

Anyway, I think Lemur misunderstood Matt. I'm not saying this was a hard thing to do, dealing as we are with gonzo blogging at its longest-nosed and most purple.

Matt is not a delicate flower (in fact, for some reason the word "weed" comes to mind). And traffic is not the issue. In fact, if he'd had more than one reply to his competition, we might have had to watch him pluralise "haiku" again, and that's not a pretty sight.

Matt was barely posting anyway, even by Fighting Talk standards - he writes for a living and can't be bothered. Looks to me like he decided it's better to blow hard than to fade away, and offended as many people as he could manage in the process.

Still, best not to psychoanalyse Matt. You don't know what you'll find.

The torch, at this point, was picked up by not PC, burning with righteous indignation based on, well, whatever the hell was going on in his head.

In fairness, I don't believe anyone has ever followed the declaration that they were 'not PC' with anything intelligent or interesting. But it looks like this guy's going for the record.

Where did all this third-person-plural shit come from? You stupid, stupid man. Even the Lemur worked this one out. We are not all Matt Nippert and we are not all taking our toys and going home.

Don't accuse people of not being able to write when you're unable to think. Just because it's dressed up in grammatical sentences doesn't make it coherent.

Seems to me there are just two things to be said on this topic. And Peter, since you seem to have trouble understanding joined-up sentences, I'll type slowly.

The first is personal: You're a tosspot, I'm not. Eat that.

The second is that, unless you've singlehandedly discredited some fraudulent memo lately and I didn't hear, don't be so smug.

I still got love for the streets*. As far as media goes, there's lots the web has that the mainstream doesn't. There's actual source material (that's not you, Peter), actual reporting from new perspectives (not you) and genuine expertise (not you either). There are blogs that trawl through that apathy-inducing mountain of information for stuff that's credible, relevant or interesting (still not you). There are blogs that combine events, experience and intelligence to generate actual new ideas (sorry, no).

And then (I'm talking about you now) there are blogs that are the electronic equivalent of pissing against a tree to say you've been there. And just because someone sniffs it doesn't make you important.

You want to see mediocre? Look in the mirror.

Don't be sad that you're crap. The world needs all the shitty blogs in order to support the good ones. It's like fertiliser or something.

And spare me the 'I know you are but what am I'. I don't have delusions of grandeur. For a long time I was writing posts just to provide some structure to my week, so I'm entirely aware I'm not on a divine mission.

Just to be clear, there are as many good reasons to keep blogs as there are reasons to read them. For example, I happen to know that FT has entertained a lot of complete strangers.

Isn't that nice?

*In fact, I love The Streets more than I used to. 'A Grand Don't Come For Free' was much more accessible than the previous album.