Climate Science: Act Doesn’t Feel The Heat
Thursday, September 10, 2009
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The Act party, in their minority report on the recent review of the emissions trading scheme, have argued that man-made global warming should not be considered a threat. Because they know better.
Thanks to a memo we found stuck to our shoe after leaving the Parliament toilet block, Scoop can now reveal some other policies that Act plans based on this attitude to mainstream science.
ITEM: Disestablish crown research institutes like GNS Science and AgResearch; have Rodney date rocks and sequence cow genomes using his common sense.
ITEM: Unequivocally condemn fire-bombing the offices of one’s enemies. People you disagree with should be burned at the stake.
ITEM: Nuclear power plants + massive deregulation → radioactive waste everywhere → we all get awesome superpowers.
ITEM: “Teach the controversy” on John B’s perpetual motion machine.
ITEM: Establish PPP project to build a tunnel through the Earth’s crust, so we can exploit the resource-rich realms of its hollow interior.
ITEM: Do we really need more policies? Because at this rate every one of our Parliamentary Questions until the election will be about ‘a light smack for the purpose of correction’.
ITEM: Increase productivity by having everyone leave saucers of milk out at night.
• will promote the dairy industry.
• will free up labour by encouraging elves to do the housework.
ITEM: Except we won’t have a dairy industry, because we’ll have swapped all our cows for magic beans.
ITEM: Get everyone magnetic underlays instead.
ITEM: Any demonstrated warming of climate can be mitigated by the cooling fan-effect of everyone face-palming when Act makes pronouncements about climate science.
Labels: act party, climate change, nz politics, pseudoscience, satire
COMMENTS:
What childish ignorant nonsense! What's your point? Do you have one? Or is this just another tiresome alarmist rant dressed up as humour? Sorry but it's not even clever, let alone amusing.
I must say I agree with the two posters from the Sensible & Adult Party: this is less than clever. Leaving saucers of milk out so that elves will do the housework would constitute pre-emptive incentivisation of a quasi-supernatural agency. I suppose you'll next be suggesting that members of the Government sell their souls to the Devil in return for another term in office. For shame.
Anyway, cats (or bondicoots or whatever you've got down there) would get to the milk first. Grow up.
Word Verification: ostsine, an East German going off at a tangent.
Anyway, cats (or bondicoots or whatever you've got down there) would get to the milk first. Grow up.
Word Verification: ostsine, an East German going off at a tangent.
There appears to be a problem with the timeline in this thread. I think the 'BRILLIANT!' properly refers to Phillip's comment.
That said, please don't go giving members of the Government ideas.
That said, please don't go giving members of the Government ideas.
Well, if they're anything like ours they probably haven't got souls of their own to sell, so you needn't worry - they'll just sell yo--- oops.
Word Verification: efoxfvn. Epoxy, pronounced through a mouthful of it.
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Word Verification: efoxfvn. Epoxy, pronounced through a mouthful of it.
