Lyndon Hood - recreational whisher, Wellington

Friday, September 18, 2009

Questions time yesterday:

Paua—Changes to Harvesting Regulations

12. CHRIS TREMAIN (National—Napier) to the Minister of Fisheries: What recent changes to regulations have been made to address the issue of illegally harvested pāua?

Hon PHIL HEATLEY (Minister of Fisheries): Changes to the amateur regulations will now make it illegal to hold more than two times the daily limit of pāua, or the equivalent in meat weight, and that includes in one’s freezer or in one’s international *carry-on. This is just another tool for the *Ministry of Fisheries to target those who traffick in illegally caught pāua.

Chris Tremain: What reports has the Minister seen regarding this policy?

Hon PHIL HEATLEY: A lot of support for this regulation has come through the submission process. Fisheries officers will not go looking through anyone’s freezer for no good reason. I need to make that very clear. I want to reassure our recreational fishers that if Ministry of Fisheries officers are knocking on their door and asking to look in their freezer, it is highly likely that they are the target of a sting operation.

Very "reassuring". Surely Labour would have been crucified for this? Or does paua = maori?

Speaking of which:

Wat the whuck?

Michael Laws' odd outburst at the end of his Campbell Live I/V does sort of make sense, apart from the not-making-sense, if he'd planned it in advance and realised the interview was about to end. Winston taught him well.

Labels: , , , , ,

Climate Science: Act Doesn’t Feel The Heat

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Lyndon Hood: Act Doesn’t Feel Climate Heat

Act climate science memo. Plus doodles.
Click to enlarge

The Act party, in their minority report on the recent review of the emissions trading scheme, have argued that man-made global warming should not be considered a threat. Because they know better.

Thanks to a memo we found stuck to our shoe after leaving the Parliament toilet block, Scoop can now reveal some other policies that Act plans based on this attitude to mainstream science.

ITEM: Disestablish crown research institutes like GNS Science and AgResearch; have Rodney date rocks and sequence cow genomes using his common sense.

ITEM: Unequivocally condemn fire-bombing the offices of one’s enemies. People you disagree with should be burned at the stake.

ITEM: Nuclear power plants + massive deregulation → radioactive waste everywhere → we all get awesome superpowers.

ITEM: “Teach the controversy” on John B’s perpetual motion machine.

ITEM: Establish PPP project to build a tunnel through the Earth’s crust, so we can exploit the resource-rich realms of its hollow interior.

ITEM: Do we really need more policies? Because at this rate every one of our Parliamentary Questions until the election will be about ‘a light smack for the purpose of correction’.

ITEM: Increase productivity by having everyone leave saucers of milk out at night.
• will promote the dairy industry.
• will free up labour by encouraging elves to do the housework.

ITEM: Except we won’t have a dairy industry, because we’ll have swapped all our cows for magic beans.

ITEM: Get everyone magnetic underlays instead.

ITEM: Any demonstrated warming of climate can be mitigated by the cooling fan-effect of everyone face-palming when Act makes pronouncements about climate science.

Labels: , , , ,

Lyndon Hood - Increasingly hairy, Wellington

Friday, September 04, 2009

Having actually completed and formatted my piece for the new werewolf (some hours after the publication launch), I though I'd send myself some linky love.

Persistent readers may wonder if I've run out of meta-satirical observations mined out of previous blog posts.

I couldn't possibly comment.