Work And Grimmcome

A rich man's wife became sick, and when she felt that her end was drawing near, she called her only daughter to her bedside and said, "Dear child, remain pious and good, and our social welfare safety net will prevent your standard of living ever falling below an acceptable minimum level." Then she closed her eyes and died. More>>

Labels: Cinderella, emergency housing, fairy tales, nz politics, satire, welfare, winz, Work and Income New Zealand

Lyndon Hood: Caught With Your Panamas Down

Scoop: Hello there.

Person in charge of Policy Formation on Foreign Things: Hi.

S: Mister…?

PPFFT: Yes.

S: Can I ask your name?

P: You certainly can.

S: Well, then.

P: You usually don't though. In practice.

S: Why not?

P: I might not want to tell you. Or it might be inconvenient for you to know, I suppose. I have to know my name though, so that's all right. It's called disclosure. All above board.

S: Well I have to assume it is. Basically I'm taking this on…

P: Trust.

S: … trust.

P: Yes, that's the exact word. It's a completely transparent disclosure regime. More>>

Labels: foreign trusts, nz politics, panama papers, satire, tax havens

Labels: kanye west, nz politics, satire, the life of pablo, werewolf

Scoop Satire: The Courage Of Your Evictions

Scoop: About this housing proposal…

Bennett: It's not really a proposal as such, more a thing we're suggesting.

Scoop: You're floating it in advance?

Bennett: Yes. Like a, like a…

Scoop: … a naval mine?

More>>

Scoop Satire: Collins On Bail

Judith Collins, the recently-reappointed Minister of Police and Corrections, has been accused of inappropriately criticising a judge's decision over the electronic bail of Mathew Kidman.

Her comments were made after the serial absconder removed his electronic monitoring bracelet and went on the run.

Criminal Bar Association president Tony Bouchier said Collins "has a history of criticising judges publicly as a minster of the Crown" and was "taking a punch at someone who can't punch back".

Scoop did not speak to Collins, but Scoop can guess. More>>

--

ALSO see earlier Werewolf - From The Hood : Illegal in an Illegal Land and who knows what all else.

Labels: john key, judith collins, me not updating blogs properly, nz politics, satire, scoop, Serco

Here is one I left out (explanation in the comments).

Also - earlier:

The Politician’s Song

am a perfect picture of the modern politic-i-an:
I don’t precisely have a plan so much as an ambition;
‘Say what will sound most pleasant to the public’ is my main dictum:
And when in doubt attack someone who already is a victim... More>>

Homeopathic Governance

Late last week Green MP Steffan Browning was reported as supporting a petition calling for the use of homeopathy in the World Health Organisation’s response to ebola.

This is, of course, exactly the kind of thing leadership of the Green Party has been trying to distance itself from and may yet end in the TV news getting that footage of the morris dancers out again. One imagines many angry tears over the homemade kombucha in the Greens office. More>>

Labels: new zealand flag, nz politics, satire, werewolf

The Source Of Denial

Confession time.

All those anonymous sources you see quoted in the media: me.

I am every anonymous source. I am also every anonymous twitter account, but you know me best as every anonymous source.

All of them. Each one.

Actually, since we're telling the truth, perhaps not all of them. Some anonymous sources have useful or important information. Sometimes it's even verifiable. None of those are me. But I've been working on crowding them out and mostly, these days, it's me.

I've also done a little work on the real anonymous twitter accounts. More>>

There Is No Surveillance In New Zealand

There is no surveillance in New Zealand
There is no one listening to your phones
There is no surveillance in New Zealand
You can all crawl back under you stones

But everybody's talking about the GCSB
Everybody's talking about the GCSB
Picking on their own country
With digital technology

We have no
emails
We have no
textses
We have no
web histories
We have no
webcam chats
webcam chats
no no
More>>

Werewolf: Voting By The Good Book

1 The words of the Satirist, the son of guy called Jim, mostly just publishes press releases on Scoop.

2 Vanity of vanities, saith the Satirist, vanity of vanities; all is vanity.

3 What profit hath a man of all his efforts to decide who to vote for?

4 One leader passeth away, and another leader cometh: but the attempted superficial charm abideth for ever.

5 The poll riseth, and the poll goeth down, and hasteth to his place whence it arose.

6 The party go-eth toward nationalism, and turneth about unto harsh justice policy, then maybe beneficiary bashing or tax cuts; it whirleth about continually, and the party returneth again according to his circuits.

7 All the candidates call for the policy; yet the policy is not released; those from whence most demands come, are most barren of it.
More>>

Labels: elections, media, nz politics, privacy, satire, surveillance